why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
