I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize