The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
