I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
