That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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