I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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