maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
