so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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