Just fell off a train. Bad.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
