oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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