Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
