GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm gonna fight the coyote
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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