i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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