my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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