After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
