Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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