smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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