Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Text me some of your sweat
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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