Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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