Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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