Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His nipple licking is glorious
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