I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
