My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
