Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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