A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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