i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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