This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
