Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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