Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
