____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her vagine was all disorganized.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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