I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
