Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
