i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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