I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
