So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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