So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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