I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
