I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
