you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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