I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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