I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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