Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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