well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
