I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
