I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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