You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
