R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize