one might say we're banned from that church
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
