I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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