I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
