I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
