I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
