ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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