i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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