...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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