Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
