I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
