some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You should frame my arrest warrant.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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