he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
