God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
