i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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