i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
