dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
