Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
