Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
