you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
