I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
