I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
