Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
