What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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