i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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