plz talk dirty to me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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