Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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