Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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