i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
