Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
