Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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