btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
